Last Saturday we had a Halloween themed b-day party for Oak with the extended family.

This was about the only picture where the hat is on, the eyes are focused (some what) and the girls are actually standing next to each other. Seriously this is a feat. I'm tootin my own horn on this own I know, but I'm so proud of this very very homemade looking pumpkin cake I made.

You know you live in Utah when you take pictures of your spread of food. Mmmm pumpkin bread bowls....

I sat on the couch that day just sucking it all in. The crisp weather outside, the smell of chili warming on the stove, the laughter of all our family. Her smile.

The simple things.

I have been anxious all day....

wondering....

waiting....


wishing......



My ultra sound appointment was today, and it was so NEAT! It seriously is amazing to have the technology to see my 7 oz baby floating around in there. Oaklee was there with us too and she was so cute. She was fascinated by the machines and the little heart beat we got to hear. And Colton.. My sweet husband, his face was priceless when they told us the gender. A BOY! An instant sense of pride and a HUGE smile came over him. It was so sweet.
I'm laying next to him in bed right now and he is still smiling.
Love these moments!

Two years ago yesterday Oaklee was born. It blows my mind that she really turned two. Yesterday. I have a two year old now. It's crazy to think where we were two years ago. Actually, to be honest, it's painful to think about where we, more so I, was two years ago. One word still rings sharp and familiar in my ear...Pseduoseizures. If that sounds like a crazy person word, it probably is. But it is real and very scary. Sometimes I wish that I could go back in time and erase those memories and moments... Ones where I should have been contently enjoying Oaklee's little life, and not in a hospital bed staring up at the fake bright lights, with no answers and a world, no actually a universe, of guilt.. I wish I wouldn't have cared so much about what people were thinking, I wish I would have fully embraced my miracle, BUT with that said, I am grateful for what I went through, because without those experiences I never would have gained the priceless wisdom and outlook I have now. I learned and accepted so many things about myself during that time. Yes I am young, you are right supermarket lady that told me I look like I look like I could be Oaklee's older sister. (Should have seen her face when I said, "actually I'm her mom... it was awesome.) And yes it is hard. But I'm all about the moments in life that make it ALL worth it, Like yesterday at Oaklee's birthday, and this priceless photo I snapped with my ghetto camera. I AM embracing it. and it is so WORTH IT.

*Happy Birthday my sweet little girl. I love you.

I've been trying to think of something fun and different to tell people that I'm pregnant. But I got nothing.

"Mom, Hodee bit me."
"Mom, Grashciie bit me."
"Mom Hodee is touching my carseat."
"Mom Grashcie huurt me."

.8 seconds pass in silence

"Mom Hodee spilled her juice in her car seat."
"Mom Grashcie is bugging me."

I sit in the front seat, trying to keep my smile and glance at Amie hidden from the two tiny conspirators in the back.
I can't help but crack up.

Lately Grace and Oak have a love-hate relationship.
Pulling hair, biting, poking, the works. Sometimes Amie and I just sit back and watch them duke it out, hoping they can work it out before a little mom intervention is needed.
I have to admit it is hilarious.
But just as easily as they are conspiring enemy's, they are unbreakable friends. They forget instantly with a hug and a kiss. It is so great.


And just a word of advice, when Grace is around don't mess with her "hoda" or you will get a three year old smack down word up.

Computer Issues are the story of my life these days, and the reason why I haven't posted any pictures recently.
Is anyone else having trouble with uploading photo's on blogger? Specifically, my computer times out and the "not responding/end program" box pops up.
Is it me or blogger?

You suc.... ceeded

Last Saturday we threw a surprise retirement party for my Dad. 30 years at the County and he could finally enjoy his BBQ chicken and baked potatoes at Vivian Park without worrying about a thing, except for maybe where the butter was. I am so happy for him. You did it Dad!

My summer days have been awesome. Quite lazy to be honest. Eating Popsicles, cherries, garden squash and birthday cake. Digging in the garden naked and jumping on the tramp with the sprinklers underneath (ohhh remember those days?) Enjoying the brief rain and new plants popping up; picking caps off mushrooms in the grass can entertain for hours.. who'da known? Baking in the sun at the pool....Getting Oaklee's first bee sting. Right on the lip. Pretty traumatic and very swollen. I love the warmth.
Bring it on.

Mom's Bed


Thunder out my window. Rain pelted the window in tiny streams. My heart frantically thudded against my chest. The nightmare still fresh in my mind, I bolted up the stairs as fast as my seven year old feet would carry me. Her door was open, the covers pushed back in the middle.
I had one of "those days". School was hard. Gas light came on while I was driving home. He never called me back. Lots of confusing homework, due tomorrow. I walked through the door and flung my bag on the couch. Down the hall my heavy sneakers walked. Her door was open. Her eyes met mine and she knew, without a word the covers were folded back.
Last night a cry from down the hall. a nudge in the side and Colton bolted out of bed and came back with a confused crying little Oaklee. Fresh tears rolled down her cheeks. I folded down the sheets and she reached for me. She snuggled up to me in the middle of our bed. Her tiny hand touched my arm and the other reached out touching Coltons face.The silhouettes of our eyes met in the dark and and I could see a smile playing on her lips. I was smiling too.

State College Continued

well here we are 2 weeks later..
Here are some pictures 2 weeks later..
There are plenty of excuses 2 weeks later..
None of them are any good

The above picture is in the Sacred Grove. It was so peaceful and serene. Truly "sacred".

The above picture is 80% the original "Frame House". Joseph Smith and his family moved here after older brother Alvin died.

On the Smith's farm, taking a breather. Love that face...

State College, PA
is quaint and quiet. From where I sit on the infamous purple couch in Palladino Hall you can hear the sound of occasional laughing from the park and a car whizzing by. You can look out the window to open crystal clear skies and look down the walk to see neighbors bundling up babies in strollers to take advantage of the warm sunshine. It really is so beautiful here. Take a short drive and you'll wind through green trees and beautiful fresh mountain landscapes, dotted with Amish farms and freshly plowed fields. So peaceful; I think I'll stay here a few more days...

en-light-ened

The sun came streaming through the central window in Grandma's house. a tear soaked tissue lay crumpled in my lap. Words to the hymn "abide with me, tis eventide" echoed in my mind. My heart is full. a dear friend of the family passed away this last Friday and his funeral was today. He will be greatly missed. I was enlightened about life today, and as I watched my sweet Oaklee play in the light of the beautiful day, I am grateful to have the knowledge that she can be mine forever.

I spoke too soon...
It looks like my days really are numbered here in the duplex, 30 days to be exact. I'm looking around this place drifting back to distant sweet memories. Scrumptious cookie dough in a silver mixer and two heaping spoon fulls for me and hodie. Opening the blinds to let a warm glow devour the living room while one baby learns to walk. Molding myself into the plush bean bag sipping a bubbling Pepsi after a stressful day of life. Watching him walk through the door, muddy boots and snow flakes on the rim of his hat, a cold nose and a warm smile. The sound of the heater kicking on.. Every wall has a memory, every piece of carpet has a foot print we've made. Every tile has an ant... (I had to put that in here, for memory sake)
You will be missed little duplex; the good and the bad. From the ants, and the crunchy leaves, to the laughter and the tears. The humbling experiences you've rendered and, especially not to be forgotten, to every beautiful memory you've helped create...

Cooped and Pooped

Oaklee and I have been feeling cooped in our little duplex lately. These crazy winter storms have had us (mostly Oaklee... ok maybe I tried it) standing on the back of the couch trying to lick the tiny snowflakes off the frosted glass dreaming of warmer weather. Today we had our chance to bust down the door and welcome the sunshine! We did have to deal with the wind, which Oaklee though was awesome, and I thought was freezing.. but it was a small price to pay to feel the therapeutic warmth of the sun on our faces. We attempted to give tug water and we're trampled by anxious puppy feet and one big bad smelling slobbery tongue..we tried again with a smarter approach of setting oaklee in a tree swing and letting the animal loose while I ran for cover by the shed... Tug was feeling cooped too. We played fetch and put rocks in our pockets and stamped through crunchy leaves and remembered Oaklee's new found love, Gracie's hand me down red boots. I think we may have eaten a twig too.. or was that a worm? Oops... protein right? And then at the end of our adventure, feeling pooped, we welcomed our soft beds, and dreamt of summer, and warmth..

I have ants in my pants...

well not really..... BUT they are all over my house. Kitchen, Bathroom, leave a crumb on the floor and forget about it, ant fest. Neighbors tell me it's a "Salem" thing, but I don't recall Sang having these little black friends like I do. HELP?

p.s. I have tried bottle ant sprays, ant traps, even forked out some cash to have the duplex's perimeter sprayed with no luck. Am I doomed to be sucking these suckers up for the rest of my days in the duplex?

Colton and I went to Vegas for Valentines day and it was... interesting. Being the ripe old age of 19 (20 in May) and still pretty "green in the ways of the world" one might ask "why go to Vegas?" Good question.... I'm still trying to answer that one myself. BUT It was nice to get away for a few days by ourselves. We stuffed ourselves full of seafood at a buffet with all you could eat crab legs. HEAVEN. We walked the strip at night and enjoyed the ballagio water shows. I think I could of pitched a tent and spent the night there instead of our cheap, felt like airplanes were flying through our windows, hotel. We ventured in a few flashy casino's and made sure both our feet stayed on the appropriate carpet for the "underaged" guests. haha. We made a stop at the M&M factory and picked out Oaklee some fushca pink and aqua M&M's..We got yelled at by a taxi driver who told us we needed to "LEARN HOW TO DRIVE", maybe he saw our Utah plates on the old beat up Elantra and decided that he would take out his frustrations of the crazy traffic on two innocent little rednecks. His loss because I'm still laughing over it! We saw sleepy lions, and ate in a rain forest. (delicious ribs by the way) We "people watched" (borrowed term from Calee) on the strip and sucked in all Vegas had to offer for us two little rednecks from the country. One little redneck didn't take off his scuffed big farming shoes/boots/whatever these are, proving the old song by Hank Williams Jr to be true "A Country Boy can Survive"... yes even in the city.

***and that's why I love him :)

Dear Grandma,

I hope my Mom remembered to pack this note I wrote for you in my backpack, we both know she can be forgetful sometimes!
I can't wait to spend the weekend with you and Grandpa while my Mom and Dad are away. I've been dreaming of eating some of your delicious waffles with syrup AND getting as sticky as I want. I can't wait to help you mop your floors and eat princess treats and have you sing silly songs to me in the bathtub. I can't wait to stay up late and play on Grandpa's bed. I can't wait to have you all to myself! I hope you know how much I love you Grandma.




p.s. Don't forget to feed my dog Tug

I love her SO much.

Oaklee loves to sit in the sink and have water trickle on her feet. While watching her play one day, I had an idea....

Ok so it's pretty small but still there! She finally has enough (well almost enough) hair to fit in a mullet looking bite size ponytail.. oh the things that make me happy :)

As I'm thinking about what to say here to explain these photo's, I just can't help but crack up. I think you'll agree when you scroll down that these pictures pretty much speak for themselves..... While I am laughing on the outside, I will say that the little voice inside, the "mom in me" the Sandra if you will, is screaming for WINDEX!

We miss you already Gracie...

You know how there are some days that just stick out in your mind. Details are clearer, feelings are stronger.. Days that put things into perspective and you feel a true happiness that your exactly where you should be in your life. I had one of those days today.. It wasn't out of the ordinary; Oaklee was in the bathtub and Gracie and Colton were washing her. I was scanning Oaklees room for her "jammies" (p.j's) and looking at my disaster of a house thinking I had my work cut out for me in the morning. I overheard Gracie and Oaklee laughing. I stood outside the bathroom leaning on the door frame watching this precious moment unfold. A huge smile spread across my face. Colton was behind Gracie showing her how to hold this fake fishing pole.. Oaklee was the "Mean Shark" threatening to eat the foam floating alphabet letters. Colton would guide Gracie's fishing pole until it hooked a letter and he would dramatically and hastily pull the letter up and out of the tub while Oaklee laughed as it slipped through her chubby little fingers. And I paused.. I'm not sure what hit me about this moment but it instantly still framed in my mind. I sat soaking up the sweetness and innocence of fishing for alphabet letters. The perspective came into clear view. I am here for a reason, I am a Mom for a reason, and a young one at that. In this stressed filled world with economic downfalls and high anxiety and here we were; in a little 2 bedroom house with our favorite girls laughing at silly alphabet fishing. Pure happiness, honest happiness, real happiness. This moment in time put a smile on my face, and even now I'm smiling.

I suck times two squared. Here are some Christmas pictures.. I know it's New Years...

High light at Granny Anny's

Princess Shoes

One of her favorite toys, a slinkie go figure

Christmas Cheer

This is how I feel about these pictures Mom

Excited about his new pillow