Last Saturday we had a Halloween themed b-day party for Oak with the extended family.

This was about the only picture where the hat is on, the eyes are focused (some what) and the girls are actually standing next to each other. Seriously this is a feat. I'm tootin my own horn on this own I know, but I'm so proud of this very very homemade looking pumpkin cake I made.

You know you live in Utah when you take pictures of your spread of food. Mmmm pumpkin bread bowls....

I sat on the couch that day just sucking it all in. The crisp weather outside, the smell of chili warming on the stove, the laughter of all our family. Her smile.

The simple things.

I have been anxious all day....

wondering....

waiting....


wishing......



My ultra sound appointment was today, and it was so NEAT! It seriously is amazing to have the technology to see my 7 oz baby floating around in there. Oaklee was there with us too and she was so cute. She was fascinated by the machines and the little heart beat we got to hear. And Colton.. My sweet husband, his face was priceless when they told us the gender. A BOY! An instant sense of pride and a HUGE smile came over him. It was so sweet.
I'm laying next to him in bed right now and he is still smiling.
Love these moments!

Two years ago yesterday Oaklee was born. It blows my mind that she really turned two. Yesterday. I have a two year old now. It's crazy to think where we were two years ago. Actually, to be honest, it's painful to think about where we, more so I, was two years ago. One word still rings sharp and familiar in my ear...Pseduoseizures. If that sounds like a crazy person word, it probably is. But it is real and very scary. Sometimes I wish that I could go back in time and erase those memories and moments... Ones where I should have been contently enjoying Oaklee's little life, and not in a hospital bed staring up at the fake bright lights, with no answers and a world, no actually a universe, of guilt.. I wish I wouldn't have cared so much about what people were thinking, I wish I would have fully embraced my miracle, BUT with that said, I am grateful for what I went through, because without those experiences I never would have gained the priceless wisdom and outlook I have now. I learned and accepted so many things about myself during that time. Yes I am young, you are right supermarket lady that told me I look like I look like I could be Oaklee's older sister. (Should have seen her face when I said, "actually I'm her mom... it was awesome.) And yes it is hard. But I'm all about the moments in life that make it ALL worth it, Like yesterday at Oaklee's birthday, and this priceless photo I snapped with my ghetto camera. I AM embracing it. and it is so WORTH IT.

*Happy Birthday my sweet little girl. I love you.